i'll be on tumblr from now on. my laptop has broken down now & i can't get on either facebook or devote so yeah, for some reason i can do SOME stuff on it. so uhm... tumblr. yeah.
also, right now i'm working a lot. i'm working + working out. pretty much what i'm up to. kind of broke atm, so that's the only thing i can do. pretty set on summer 2012 as well. haha, who isn't? but yeah, i'm planning on travelling a lot & being out in the sun. maybe this year i'll feel comfortable enough to actually have proper summer clothes without crying lol.
started kind of an 3-day detox yesterday. i was hungover, so it wasn't that hard to not do anything bad for my body. well, sometimes i tend to eat bad junkfood the day after, but i felt so sick last night so i couldn't. i had yoghurt, berries, fruit. then some popcorn i made myself in the saucepan. that's all right. i needed some salt, thought i was going to vom.
anyway! feels a bit better already. i feel cleaner & i'm sooo happy i'm on holiday. pat myself on the back for not forgetting my Mighty Greens as well. everytime i've been at home i've taken it. started this day with a shower (after being woken up by noisy builders. sounded like they were jumping on the roof, trying to smash the whole building). then, went in to the kitchen - the dirty kitchen. doesn't matter if i clean it every fucking day (not that it's my job, but i like my kitchen clean), it's always a fucking mess. well, it's allright now, i can live with it haha! making some coffee at the same time, then a smoothie. blueberries, raspberries, half a avocado, some water & then Mighty Greens.
btw, what's the deal with the photo uploader? i can't figure it out?!
got no other plans today but to go through all of my stuff, toss away things i don't need. try not to hold on to things i don't use just because i find them pretty or whatever. then... i don't know. we'll see how long it takes. might be all tired after that, haha!
so, i'm at home now. after two days. two days of my 13 days holiday spent. feels good. but i feel like shit. need to really start to sort myself out. got this thing for helping other people, sorting their shit out. why? no bloody idea. so now i'm going to take the advise of a very close friend. going to not try to help others. not being "too nice" to people. & instead - i'll help myself. got 11 days to do basically nothing. & yes, i'm sitting here in the kitchen with a cup of coffee & a big glas of squash that is almost finished. hungover as usual, feeling sick & miserable. but the fact that i don't have to get to work or do anything really helps. makes me feel relaxed. my holiday couldn't have been at a better time, with all stupid drama at work. it's so easy to blame someone else when you've put yourself in deep shit, right? well, when i for once try not to help out too much - i'm the bad guy. sorry. can't fix everything everytime 'cause in the end - people need to stand on their own two feet. also, when did all this come up now? had my two highest bosses asking me stuff the other day. about it. that little... the thing. one of them says "should i be worried about it?". no, of course not. not at all. the other one "come on, we all know you're a couple". no, that's not true. haha, love the fact that no one really understands what's going on. keep them wondering. keep them wanting more. it's a little bit exciting, i must admit.
it's funny how the world just stops here in london because of a little bit of snow. had the best conversation with the busdriver home. he wasn't supposed to pick anyone up, but just go back to the garage. "i can't just leave people on the streets, can i?", he said. told him that i'm from sweden. a place where we always have snow in the winter & that this is nothing the traffick should be fucked up for. he laughed & nodded. "they just want to save money", he shrugged, "they don't care about people".
thank goodness for that driver. if it weren't for him - i would've walked home.
i'm liking life right now. massive drama all over, of course. as always. but there's so many things i should be happy for. & i am. really. guess i might have a great downfall soon. so until then - i'll smile.
i'm getting a bit tired of how some people can't go on. i'm always trying my best to make it easy for everyone but it ends up being just... shit? on the other hand, i've improved. & i'm proud of myself now. did something i didn't think i would be able to do. still up & down, of course. & it is hard. won't deny it. but for now - it's quite okay. liiittle bit scared though. but i know i'm not alone at least. that feels very good.
i'm considering to start a new blog. not that i think many people really hang here, but for myself. this is still a place i've been word vomming a few times the past like... 5 years? before that i had these other blogs... but maybe it's time to move forward a bit. re-new. yeah. good idea.
möter honom på stationen vi ska ta en kaffe, som vi inte har gjort på länge jag gillar i smyg hur han ler, öronen rör sig i takt med mungiporna vi har mycket att prata om, ta igen det tar hela dagen en lång promenad efteråt jag är hemma hur ska jag klara mig utan honom? nyktra & glada går vi igenom en lite blåsig stad passerar alla människor i världen hittar ett ställe att äta på innan festen klockan nio för att inte bli för full känner inte något rus som i början jag är hemma kan andas lugnt han säger att vi alltid kommer att vara vänner hamnar i hans säng även om det kan vara lite fel det känns inte fel han vet sanningen nu just därför kanske det är fel men det är så rätt somnar på hans arm efter tusen kyssar
